WRESTLING WITH GOD

MAY 2

Psalm 88

Psalm 88:13, “But I, O Lord, cry to you; in the morning my prayer comes before you.”

She was in hospice, and not many weeks from the end. I came to visit, and there she sat in her recliner—not comfortably. For her arm and leg were swollen, painfully so, and it was hard to see her like that. We both knew her time was short. We talked quietly—about how she was doing, about suffering, and about how God sometimes seems so close and sometimes so far.

Within reach of her chair was a hand-sized, round plaque. Philippians 4:13 was inscribed on it: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” She says that when she was calm and trusting, she would hold the plaque in her hand, like a steadying weight—something solid to cling to. But when pain or doubt crept in—when trust gave way to frustration—she’d quietly put it back into the cupholder and grumble a bit.

This psalm reminds me of her experience—the psalm that offers little to encourage. It’s not neat. It’s not tidy. It doesn’t wrap up with hope or healing. Instead, the psalmist cries out: “I am overwhelmed with troubles and my life draws near to death… Why, Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me?” (Psalm 88:3, 14).  He speaks into the silence. No answers. No resolution. Just questions.

That’s the space she was in—trusting, yet struggling. Trusting, but wounded. Like the psalmist, she believed in God. She called out to Him. But she didn’t pretend things were okay. Her prayers were not polished. They were real. Even when she tucked the plaque away, she never threw it out. That verse—”I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”—was still close at hand. She wasn’t denying her faith in Jesus. She was wrestling with it. And in that wrestling, she joined a long line of saints—from David to Job to Paul—who knew what it meant to cry out and wait in the dark.

Not every story ends with healing. Not every psalm ends with praise. But even Psalm 88 begins with this: “Lord, you are the God who saves me; day and night I cry out to you.” Sometimes that’s the most powerful testimony of all—not the victory, but the perseverance. The clinging. The crying out and waiting—even when the answers don’t come.

“For faith is a constant struggle. It wrestles with doubt, despair, and death.” — Martin Luther

Application questions: This psalm is filled with honest questions and deep pain. How does it comfort or challenge you to know that the Bible includes such things?  In times of suffering, do you find yourself holding onto truth like Philippians 4:13—or setting it aside for a while? What helps you return to trust when you’ve been wrestling with God?

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Author: looking2jesus13

Jerry L. Conklin was born and raised in Hillsboro, Oregon. After graduating from high school, he enlisted in the United States Navy and served for six years in the Navy’s Nuclear Power Program. He was assigned to the USS *Omaha* (SSN-692), a nuclear-powered fast-attack submarine, where he served as a reactor-plant electrical operator. His military service took him to ports and locations throughout the world and provided extensive technical training, leadership experience, and an enduring appreciation for those who serve in the Armed Forces. Following his Navy service, Jerry earned a bachelor’s degree in Nuclear Technology from Thomas Edison State University. He worked at the Trojan Nuclear Plant near Rainier, Oregon, first as a reactor operator and later as a training specialist. After sensing God’s call to pastoral ministry, he left the nuclear-power industry and earned a master’s degree in theology from Western Conservative Baptist Seminary in Portland, Oregon. Jerry served for twenty-seven and a half years as senior pastor of Lewis and Clark Bible Church in Astoria, Oregon. During those years, he preached and taught the Scriptures, provided pastoral counseling, performed weddings and memorial services, trained church leaders, and served individuals and families throughout the community. He also served as a fire department chaplain and participated in a variety of community ministries. After retiring from full-time pastoral ministry, Jerry and his wife, Laura, moved to Heppner, Oregon. There he served for approximately four years as a chaplain with Pioneer Memorial Home Health and Hospice, providing spiritual and emotional support to more than 150 patients and their families. In 2023, the Oregon Association for Home Care honored him as its Chaplain of the Year. Jerry also helped establish South Morrow County Seniors Matter, a nonprofit organization created to address the needs of older adults following the COVID-19 pandemic. As chairman, he worked with community leaders and volunteers to develop a weekly senior meal program, a monthly veterans’ lunch, and other activities and services. The organization served hundreds of seniors, mobilized more than 200 volunteers, and received statewide and national recognition. In 2025, Jerry was named Heppner’s Man of the Year, and his community service was later recognized by United States Senator Jeff Merkley. International missions have also been an important part of Jerry’s ministry. He has made ten trips to Uganda, where he has taught at pastors’ conferences, preached in churches, participated in Bible-school graduations, distributed Bibles and Christian materials, and encouraged local pastors and ministry leaders. He developed the discipleship booklet *First Steps with Jesus* to help new believers understand and grow in their faith. Jerry is the author of numerous books, Bible studies, devotionals, and teaching resources, including works centered on prayer, Christian hope, spiritual growth, and the person of Jesus Christ. His decades of preaching and teaching reflect his commitment to presenting biblical truth clearly, practically, and faithfully. Jerry and Laura were married for nearly forty-two years and raised four children. They were also blessed with three grandchildren. Laura passed away in August 2025 following an eight-and-a-half-year battle with cancer. Jerry currently lives in Hillsboro, where he helps care for his elderly father. He continues to preach, teach, write, and serve others through pastoral and community ministry.

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